Release
by xerus
Summary: This is my "Hiatus Homework" assignment from TWoP


Release.  
  
This is my TWoP "Hiatus Homework" assignment. I don't own anything from the OC, FOX and Josh Schwartz do.  
  
Surfing always cleared Sandy's mind. It didn't matter if the waves were good or bad. There was something about being out in the Pacific, early in the morning as the sun was just starting to cut through the shades of grey that still lingered in the sky, that would put life into perspective for him. It was when he was able to remember what was truly important. To Sandy, family was his number one priority. While he wasn't a strong believer in the faith he was brought up in, he knew he was blessed. He had a wonderful wife. Although it would seem like they didn't have a lot in common, they complimented each other. They played off each other's strengths and supported each other during times of weakness. Sandy knew he was also blessed with two sons. One by birth, one by choice. Seth and Ryan. One quirky and gregarious, the other private and introverted. So different from each other. Sandy knew he would lay down his life for both of them, for his family.  
  
Sandy pulled his surfboard out of the black Range Rover and stood it in the corner of the garage. As he walked out of the garage, the heady aroma of fresh coffee called to him. Sandy saw Ryan sitting at the island, coffee in one hand, his chemistry book being held open by the other. Sandy made sure he made enough noise entering the kitchen so as not to startle the boy. He put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, his heart dropping when Ryan pulled away. Sandy poured himself a mug full of coffee. When he turned to speak with Ryan, he was met with an empty kitchen. He looked out the window and watched as Ryan closed the door of the pool house.  
  
The Cohens rarely saw Ryan anymore. Ever since Oliver's suicide in the hotel room, Ryan had become increasingly distant and withdrawn. It wasn't until Oliver's death that everyone realized Ryan had been right about him. But Ryan didn't feel vindicated. If anything, he carried the guilt of Oliver's death because he couldn't make Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Dr. Kim or Marissa see that Oliver needed help and was a danger to himself and everybody around him. Now the fragile bonds of trust and communication that took so long to forge had been broken.  
  
It had been a week since Oliver's suicide and all the surfing in the world hadn't helped Sandy wrap his head around it. Oliver was a kid who had everything......everything materially anyway, but he had parents who were to self- absorbed to their son was self-destructing and Ryan had been caught in the fall out. A casualty of Oliver's inner war.  
  
Both Sandy and Kirsten tried to talk to Ryan afterwards, to apologize for not supporting him, for not believing him. Ryan just looked at them and waited for them to stop speaking before he got off the couch and escaped into the pool house. Seth fared no better with him. All of his attempts to talk to Ryan were rebuffed. Now Seth was locking himself in his room, fearful that he may have lost his brother, his best friend for good.  
  
Sandy's mind was racing. This had to stop. He needed to fix his fractured family. Sandy put down his mug and went out to the pool house. There was no answer when he knocked. As he closed the door behind him he heard the shower. Sandy sat down in a chair and surveyed the room. It was obsessively neat. It was hard to believe a 17 year old lived there. He picked up the Chrismukkah picture they had taken and stared at it. Ryan looked so happy. They all did and Sandy wanted that back.  
  
He looked up as Ryan exited the washroom, pulling on a grey button down shirt over his trademark 'beater'.  
  
"Ryan....We need to talk.....We have to work this out..."  
  
Ryan walked past Sandy as he grabbed his knapsack.  
  
"Everything's been said....I'm all talked out...."  
  
Sandy stood up.  
  
"Ryan...please...."  
  
Sandy watched as Ryan grabbed his bike and took off. Sadly, he left the pool house and made his way back to the kitchen. Kirsten and Seth were there. Seth spun his bagel around, the 'Arts and Leisure' section of the paper sat untouched on the countertop beside him. He excused himself and went upstairs to get ready for school.  
  
Kirsten wrapped her arms around Sandy and held him.  
  
"It'll get better Sandy....We'll work it out.....We'll get him back...."  
  
Sandy kissed Kirsten on her forehead and then broke the embrace.  
  
"I don't know....Ryan took a giant leap of faith and trusted us....I let him down....I should have....."  
  
Kirsten cut Sandy off.  
  
"I will not let you blame yourself for this. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that if it were Seth we were dealing with you'd have handled it differently?"  
  
Sandy didn't answer.  
  
"I didn't think so." Kirsten continued. "WE let him down....As much as I'd like to think otherwise, it probably won't be the last time either. We're in this for the long haul. We're going to screw up....Parenting isn't an exact science.."  
  
"And you guy's make it look so easy...."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy look up to see Seth in the doorway holding his book bag.  
  
He gave his mom a hug.  
  
"We'll make him understand, Mom. I'll sit on Ryan and dad will use all his 'lawyer skills to make him listen."  
  
Kirsten kissed her tall curly haired son.  
  
"You're going to be late...Do you need a ride?"  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"Summer's picking me up....."  
  
A car horn honked.  
  
"And that's her now....Look, we'll work it out . My self-pity party's ended now and it's time we make Ryan see that he can't shut us out forever...."  
  
Seth waved at his parents and ran out to Summer's car.  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten.  
  
"When did he get so smart?............"  
  
Ryan sat on an overturned milk crate beside the service entrance of the school. It was tucked away behind the main building like some dirty little secret. This was where the people who didn't have the fifteen grand to send their kids to Harbour went in and out of the school. Food Services, Custodial, Maintenance, the invisible people. He closed his eyes and leaned back, a forbidden cigarette hanging from his fingers. He became aware of someone sitting beside him. He didn't open his eyes. He knew it was Seth. The two of them sat there, not speaking until the bell rang. Ryan ground out his cigarette, grabbed his knapsack and went in the service doors. Seth followed him to their algebra class.  
  
Ryan slumped in his chair and stared down at his notebook. Seth sat across from him. Mr. Foster started reviewing quadratic equations. Ryan closed his eyes. He didn't hear his name being called until he felt someone kick him under the table. He looked up.  
  
"Mr. Atwood....Since I seem to be boring you, perhaps you would come up to the front and finish this question for us...."  
  
Seth watched as Ryan pushed himself up and walked towards the teacher. He took the chalk from him, went to the black board and read the problem.  
  
"Out loud Mr. Atwood...."  
  
Ryan glared at Mr. Foster. He took a deep breath and exhaled....Fuckwit....  
  
"A car is 50 ft from an intersection at which it must stop. What is the maximum speed at which it can be traveling?"  
  
Ryan stared at the question.  
  
"Enlighten us Mr. Atwood...." The teacher's voice had a hard edge to it.  
  
Ryan spoke rapidly, writing the figures as he spoke.  
  
"You write the equation in standard form, ax2 +bx+c=0, a does not equal 0. Clear all fractions, find the values for a, b and c. In this case a=1, b=20, c=-1000. Substitute the values for a, b and c into the quadratic formula and that gives you and answer of 23.166, so to be able to stop in 50 ft, the maximum speed the car can go is 23 miles per hour...."  
  
Ryan threw the chalk down on the ledge and walked back to his seat and stared at his notebook again. The class was silent for a few moments before the teacher cleared his throat and continued with the lesson.  
  
School couldn't end fast enough for Ryan. He quickly grabbed the necessary books out of his locker and slammed the door shut. He went outside and unlocked his bike. He wasn't ready to go back to the Cohen's. He couldn't call it home, because right now it didn't feel like his home.  
  
The Cohens pushed their food around their plates in silence, the empty chair reminding them that everything was not alright. Sandy slammed down his fork and left the table.  
  
Seth stood up and cleared the plates, scraping the remains of their dinner into the garbage. Kirsten rinsed off the plates and loaded them into the dishwasher. It was an evening ritual she usually shared with Ryan. When they were finished, Seth grabbed his book bag and went into the family room. He wasn't going to hide in his room anymore. Kirsten went outside to make sure Sandy was alright. She found him in the back, staring into the pool.  
  
"Hey..." She said softly as she wrapped her arms around him. "You okay?"  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"No...."  
  
Sandy turned to look at his wife.  
  
"Are you sorry I brought Ryan home......into the family......?"  
  
Kirsten didn't get a chance to answer. They both turned, hearing the noise behind them. Ryan stood there, his head down. Kirsten moved to where Ryan was, lifting his chin so she could see his eyes.  
  
"Not for one second...."  
  
She kissed Ryan on his temple. He didn't pull away. Kirsten glanced back at Sandy.  
  
"I'll be inside...."  
  
Ryan walked past Sandy and let himself into the pool house. He didn't close the door. He knew Sandy would follow him.  
  
Ryan disappeared into the washroom. When he came out Sandy was seated in the same chair as he had that morning. Ryan moved to the counter and stood there, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.  
  
"Where were you...?" Sandy kept his voice calm.  
  
"Around....." Ryan answered flatly.  
  
"Did it occur to you we might be worried when you didn't come home after school?"  
  
"Does it matter....?" Ryan shot back.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You didn't listen to me before....I tried.....I tried to tell you....." Ryan's voice was rising.  
  
"I said I was sorry....I made a mistake....I should have....." Sandy was now fighting to keep his voice calm.  
  
"Save it...." Ryan snarled. "I've heard it all before....I'm sorry, Ryan....I made a mistake, Ryan....Give me another chance, Ryan...."  
  
Sandy stood up.  
  
"Ryan....."  
  
"NO!" He yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY...? I'M LIKE SOME ABANDONED PUPPY THAT PEOPLE TAKE IN BUT THEN GET RID OF WHEN I'VE PEED ON THE CARPET ONE TOO MANY TIMES......"  
  
Sandy moved towards him, but Ryan took a step back, bumping into the counter.  
  
"Don't come near me...."  
  
"Ryan...we can fix this....."  
  
Sandy's voice softened as he took another tentative step forward, closing the gap between them. Ryan's breathing became laboured as he looked for an escape. Sandy was too close....  
  
"Nothing I do is ever good enough....."  
  
Without thinking, Sandy raised his hand to reach out to the agitated youth. Ryan's defense mechanisms interpreted the movement as the start of another beating and he launched himself at Sandy.  
  
Ryan tackled Sandy, sending the two of them to the floor. He was swinging wildly, his eyes closed.  
  
" I TOOK CARE OF HER.....SHE STILL SAID IT WAS ALL MY FAULT..."  
  
Sandy managed to grab Ryan's arms but not before the boy connected with a solid punch to Sandy's face. Ryan continued to struggle as he screamed.  
  
"IT'S MY FAULT SHE DRINKS...IT'S MY FAULT SHE DOES DRUGS....DON'T YOU SEE....I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH....I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH......I DID THIS TO HER....."  
  
Using Ryan as leverage, Sandy pulled himself into a seated position behind Ryan, re-adjusting his grip on him, putting him into a modified bear hug. He said nothing to Ryan, just held him as all the emotion Ryan had been holding inside spewed out.  
  
"Why couldn't she love me....That's all I ever wanted from her...."  
  
Sandy's heart ripped apart as he heard Ryan's desperate cries.  
  
"She let them hurt me...She didn't stop them....WHY?............Why did she leave me.....I tried...." Ryan's voice broke..... "I tried to make her love me......"  
  
The pool house was quiet except for the soft sobs coming from Ryan. Silent tears streamed down Sandy's face as he held Ryan tighter.  
  
Finally, as Ryan's sobs subsided, he pulled away from Sandy and sat up, their shoulders still touching. He didn't want to lose physical contact with Sandy. He pulled his knees up to his chest. Ryan's voice was shaky as he struggled to contain his tears.  
  
"Why am I here....Why...Why did you bring me here...to this place...this friggin' fishbowl...?"  
  
Sandy put his hand on Ryan's knee. He didn't flinch.  
  
"You're a smart kid who's had a crappy life....I've told you that before.....You're a special kid...I saw it the first time I met you...."  
  
Ryan cut him off sharply.  
  
"If I'm so damn special....why couldn't my mom see it?...........I was reminded everyday what a mistake I was...How her life would have been so much better If I hadn't been born..."  
  
Ryan inhaled and blew out a ragged breath.  
  
"The worst was when she ignored me....She would look right through me like I wasn't there.....At least when she was beating on me, she knew I existed....."  
  
Sandy didn't know what to say. He waited for Ryan to continue.  
  
"I was....I was a stranger in my own house and now I feel like a stranger in yours.....I'm still on the outside looking in....."  
  
Sandy spoke softly.  
  
"We didn't take you in out of pity or trying to feel noble..Hell, if I could explain our reasons for doing it, I would. I don't know what made you special... It's something I can't put into words, but I knew I wanted to help you out. That's not the answer you're looking for.....I don't even know if that answer exists. All I know is that you are a member of this family, as important as any of us....We had sixteen years without you and I don't want to go back to that..  
  
Ryan's voice was barely louder than a whisper.  
  
"I don't know what you want from me.....please tell me and I'll do it....don't make me figure it out on my own........"  
  
Tears started running down Ryan's face again. Sandy put his arms around the boy's shoulders and that's where they sat. They sat until the bitter tears of a broken life gave way to the grateful tears of a new one. They sat as those tears lead to a peaceful sleep... where demons no longer danced... 


End file.
